Some days I feel like just curling in bed and crying. Weep for all the would’ve should’ve could’ve, and fall asleep. And then meet the new day with renewed vigour. Draw energy from the past to fuel my steps.
Sigh.
Actually, I just feel like a hugeass failure from the knowledge that my stupid cold turkey didn’t work out. Apparently, a month of not meeting up, talking very minimally and whatnot all came to naught when we met again. He felt a little…warmer than usual? I don’t know.
I don’t know what’s up with the need to pay for dinner, none of my guy friends even feel that desire, so you shouldn’t either. Neither do I get why you almost insist on getting me a drink from some stupid rip-off convenience store when I couldn’t get one from the mart because the queue was so damn long. “No, I’m not going there, they completely rip you off!” “I’ll pay. It’s like what, 80 cents difference?” “No, why should you pay for me?” “Because I’m the man here!” Seriously? What. The. Fuck. I was, once again, royally thrown off that I ended up giving some half-baked retort about gender stereotypes, which got consumed by the passing cars.
I also did not need you pop your head back out that door and half yell “meet up soon again ok?” to which I gave a lame, toothless smile, turn back and then smack my own forehead. I so did not need you to make me think of you all night with that.
So much for my pre-mature congratulations on not succumbing to ‘linking arms’.
Goodbye, I need to sleep now. I need to throw myself at work. Not you.
